- I am a pig.
- I like cake.
I'm not usually too specific about what kind of birthday cake I want. I seem to remember that when I was asked once by my mother years ago, I told her I wanted one with lots of flowers and roses on it because they took a lot of icing to make. Pretty smart right? Who cares what kind of impression it makes - give the boy the Mother's Day special, or the Happy Retirement Bernice sheet cake so he can trip out on an overdose of shortening and sugar and shit colors for a week.
Thankfully, and to her credit, Mom never did buy me a girly cake. But I do remember plenty of cakes with lots of icing. Homemade strawberry was always the best, but plain store-bought white sheet cake is also fine with me.
This year, however...
This year, only one cake will do. I will forego all gifts and pitch in my own money to make it happen: